Death By Art School Is a Gonzo Collective!

A Gonzo Collective is something so Avant-Garde, we don't even know what it is yet. At the moment, it's a band. We are also a non-profit NGO(Non-Govern- ment(Pro-Gonzo)Organization). There are between 3 and 18 members of our band. Some stay the same, while others disappear. We are okay with this because we have replaced all our instruments with children's toys.

Death By Art School is also Karaoke!

You can sing along with all your favourite Death By Art School Classics, both in the comfort of your own home, or in some horribly depressing and empty bar!

Death By Art School Needs You!

No, Seriously. We are desperate for friends. There are many ways in which you can help Death By Art School. You can Contribute to Death By Art School. We accept: sick and twisted voodoo drum beats, lyrics about carnivals, the occult, bizarre , hypno-dayglo website art, fan fiction, toys and human souls etc. To become a contributor please mail: contribute@deathbyartschool.com. We also need participants in our show. If you would like to dance in unicorn costumes and scream obscenities written on a tele-promter, or a large piece of bristol board please email: participate@deathbyartschool.com. We also need sacrifices for our show. If you bring a fat sack of toys to our show, or dress up in a fantastic costume, you get in free! or if you would just like to donate the aforementioned accessories please email sacrafice@deathbyartschool.com. If you are confused by our wild buearocratic utopia please just email join@deatbyartschool.com, and we will send you the appropriate and equally confusing instructions.

You Might Already be Death By Art School!

Do you have a horribly unsuccessful band with an equally horribly conceived band name? Death By Art School would love for you to join the Death By Art School Franchise! If you are unsatisfied with your current band name, Death By Art School would love for you to adopt, and play under, the Death By Art School name. The first 10 bands to prove that they have booked themselves as "Death By Art School" will receive a package valued at over ninety dollars (more than double the value of booking yourself as Death By Art School!). The package will contain, among other prizes, a Death By Art School T-shirt and over 8 hours of Death By Art School Music. If you have always wanted to be in a band, this is your chance! Death By Art School Requires very little musical talent! We need Death By Art School in many regions! To find out more about receiving your franchise package please contact franchise@deathbyartschool.com. Or, if you already have a band: betterthanyou@deathbyartschool.com

Death By Art School Will Replace its current members with adorable teenagers, at your request!

Do you loath a member of Death By Art School? Don't worry! Just email replace@deathbyartschool.com and we will replace that member of Death By Art School with a healthier, tanned, nubile teenager! Death By Art School knows lots of people. We don't want to offend your libidinal desires with natural age!

Death By Art School is Open Source

It's true! You are downloading our source code right now!

Death By Art School doesn't think you are a pirate!

You are not a thief. There is nothing to steal. We already stole it back. There's nothing to buy. We refuse to sell you our merchandise. You already own a copy. If you would like another one please email freemusic@deathbyartschool.com.

Death By Art School is an anonymous band!

It's true! No one knows who we are, or how famous we are. We invented our own language, then refused to sing in it. We only sing in broken japanese. We aren't singing to you right now!

Death By Art School is the official band of the Illuminati!

We are in skull and Bones. We urinated on Ted Kennedy. We turned Alex Jones into a giant spider. We are looking at your computer files. We are bored with your computer files.

Death By Art School is updating it's status anxiety!

Our Status Anxiety is pale!

Death By Art School is Fame Communism!

At our heart we are ruthless capitalists. Like John Locke (the guy from Lost), we believe your material possessions belong to you, and it is your duty/right to turn your property into wealth. Fame, however, which has very low transportation costs, can be divided infinitely within the proletariat. All you need to do is ask us, and Death By Art School will make you equally famous as ourselves! The more famous Death By Art School is; the more famous you are. If you sell Death By Art School to nine of your friends we can guarantee you wealth by the end of the week!

Death By Art School would like to send you a special membership card!

It has your name and photo! A badass identification pin number! A special RFID tracking unit! Every week, we draw one name from our secret data base, and they win a prize! The prize is being stoned to death.

Death By Art School Exclusively shops at Wal-Mart!

We Endorse Microsoft products, SUV's, and Haliburton torture/intimacy swings

Death By Art School Only Exists In Second Life

Death by art school was using second life way before you were. We were using it when it was still just a quarter of first life. Death By Art School invented the first virtual community named "Second Pangea". You can't get to Second Pangea using the internet.

Death By Art School is a five piece acapella boy band

Our collective dimensions are 48 feet stacked end to end. 3058 pounds. Our interests include: standing in slow motion rain, wearing shirts that have zippers instead of buttons, Hiding horrible things from the police.

Death By Art School Doesn't want your attention!

We are having too much fun. No one knows who we are. No one is paying attention, so you might as well join. It's the most fun any human has ever had. It's the last fun to exist that someone hasn't heard of already.

Death By Art School is a Micro-Cult

we are like a regular cult, except we only meet twice a week in the evenings. Our Micro-Cult is also a Macro-Potluck.

Death By Art School Only Does One Impersonation

This is our impersonation ofkatamari damacy

Death By Art School and Rock and Roll Fatality

Death By Art School Begins when Rock And Roll ends. You can only join Death By Art School at the age of 27. You can only join Death by Art School on the anniversary of a famous rock star's death.

Death By Art School Is From The Space Ghetto

We didn't just hustle our way out of a regular American Ghetto (although we did hustled our way out of all of them at some point). We hustled our way out of a space ghetto. It's much more dangerous. There are Lizard People, Harrison Ford, and blogs about people with irregular genitals.(Hint: Please Do Not Visit The Space Ghetto

Death By Art School Is one of those Cartoon Bands.

It's actually pretty Clever. We are a crudely drawn libertarian cartoon about foul mouth fourth graders from colorado, that gradually work their way out of the space ghetto.

Death By Art School has invented a car that runs on Aspartame.

Death By Art School Combines Professional Wrestling with 1980s Horror Movies to make a new executive sport.

Death By Art School's pee smells like chlorine

We're not saying we're better than you or anything. Actually we're kind of concerned. Any suggestions?

Death By Art School is the number one publisher of Avante-Garde Childrens literature.

From colourful biographies about all your your favourite homosexual/suicidal determinist composers, to deconstructed allegories about catharthism, narrated by homosexual/suicidal anthropomorphisized owls.

Death By Art School will make you personalized albums

Starting at donations of 30$ Death By Art School will make you a personalized, one of a kind, Death By Art School Album. The more money you donate, the more elaborate and personal your album will be. Starting at 400$, Death By Art School will write a song about you, that you own the license to.

Death By Art School collectively has seven baby bumps

We bet you'll never guess where. Hint: They are all in our spine

Death By Art School has decided you shouldn't steal music

There is simply too much high quality, free, content on the internet. The people that posted it want you to listen to it. You're kind of being a dick if you steal music that someone has asked you not to steal, and refusing to listen to music that people want you to. We're not just talking about all that mediocre home computer techno that teenagers post to myspace. There are literally millions of hours of professionally recorded music floating in the ether.

Death By Art School employs authentic blue men

Don't be fooled by the hype. Any idiot can book the blue man group to perform in their act. We employ Authentic blue men, who drink liquid silver oxide, as seen on Oprah.

Death By Art School invites you to a group shopping trip

Have you ever wanted to go to the value village in a gang of seven or more. Do you dream of holding hands with complete strangers at winners or the home depot. Everything 3rd week of the month Death By Art School goes shopping as a group.

Send Death By Art School Your Demo Tape

If you've read this far, it probably means you have enough time on your hands to make a demo tape. Recent submissions to Death By Art School include: Cuddle GWAR, and Bloated Frank Zappa. If you don't send us your demo, we will find you demo, and post it anyway.

Death By Art School Is Trying Really Hard

Seriously, we are. So don't tease us. We think you should try hard at something. There is way too much emphasis on criticism in our society. I think your dad secretly wants me to fail.

Death By Art School X Ramones X Ramones -0

Death By Art School prides itself on its authentic sound. Death By Art School's sound can be described as sounding exactly like the Ramones combined with sounding exactly like the opposite of the Ramones.

Death By Art School Is A Lucky Band

They All Laughed when we traded our Lunar Curtain for a +10 Luck source. But then we were so lucky that we found a Vagyrisk Claw. We used the claw to inflict petrify on an opponent with Lunar Curtain.

Death By Art School Declares Rock And Roll a Tyrant

It is no longer the music of rebellion. It is the music of the hegemonic ruling elite. And it gets you blow jobs.

Death By Art School is not is a hoax

Have you ever asked yourself why we are trying to convince you this whole thing is a hoax. There could only be one reason. It's actually real

Death By Art School Doesn't always come up with great ideas

A person, or group of people, shouldn't be expected to do, or say, or make, clever things all the time. Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves? We should hounor our bad ideas. We should try, but we should also fail sometimes. Here's an example of one of Death By Art Schools failed thoughts: Dwayne Wayne High On Cocaine. Sure, it doesn't make sense but it felt like it would make sense because it rhymed. Often people mistake something that is good for something that rhymes.

Death By Art School isn't a midget band

All our members are over seven feet tall. We only play tiny instruments like ukulele's, soprano saxophones, and fisher price drum kits.

Death By Art School plays the hits of the Beatles using only steamed vegetable

We can also play the super mario brothers theme song, stairway to heaven, and baby elephant walk

Death By Art School is upgrading to 2.5!

Death By Art School Guarantees Weight Fluctuations

Every time you go to a Death By Art School show, we guarantee at least one of our members will be 40 pounds heavier or lighter than the last time you saw us in concert.

Death By Art School is The Inventor of Atheist Gospel Music

All the tambourines, hammond organs, and fat black women you could ever need, except we celebrate the existence of nothing, instead of the existence of something.

Death By Art School Wants Photos!

Send us photos of yourself, dressed as your favourite member of Death By Art School. The winner of the photo contest will receive a framed photo of Big Gentle Jesus Christ in his favourite Death By Art School themed bubble bath.

Death By Art School Is a Fictional Celebrity Tabloid

It is exactly like a regular celebrity tabloid, except ten times more scandalous, and you have no idea who any of the people are

Death By Art School Exclusively Samples Daft Punk

Not only do we sample Daft Punk, but we sample whatever Daft Punk has sampled by sampling Daft Punk! No one needs to know where music comes from. It comes from Daft Punk!

Death By Art School Supports Eternal Highschool

Clearly, high school is the superior method of social Hiearchy. Why stop after four years. We can have high school forever!

Death By Art School is Entering its DIO Year

We have replaced all the members with adorable teenagers and Ronnie James Dio. He invented the Satan horns. He is ninety-eight pounds of lung

DB4S D3THW3B IZ FULLY 4CC3SS1bl3!

To view this page in French LEET, click here.

Death By Art School Will Film Your Video Eulogy

Are you about to die? Want to get the winning edge on all your friends who will also die. We will film your video eulogy and then post it to our website. You can also order the premium service which includes a tombstone with flat screen monitor. The monitor will constantly play your video eulogy for all of eternity

Death By Art School Talks like they're on a Television Commercial

When we hold parties, we act like a beer commercial. When we get in arguments, it's like watching an episode of Law and Order. We don't hold parties, or get in arguments

Death By Art School Would like to offer you an email account

Do you want to impress a girl with your cynicism? or confuse an employer with your impenetrability? You need an @deathbyartschool.com email account. All accounts welcome. Even horrible robot accounts that scam people out of their money with Nigerian Pyramid Schemes

Death By Art School Hopes To Soon Be Riddled With Spam

We are ashamed at how little friends and spam we have on our webpage. We are way more popular and spammed on our myspace page.

Please Censor Death By Art School

Would you like to block the content of Death By Art School to all other users? Have you discovered a part of Death By Art School, that screams "Hello Friend, you are morally superior to me" Are we corrupting your youth? Please send a threatening letter to censor@deathbyartschool.com, and we will replace the offending item with a large black bar.

Death By Art School Promises No Dynamics

From our velocity free drum machine programing, to our rectangle of music/limiter at 11 mastering technique, to our completely static faux AJAX website, Death By Art School promises to be the least dynamic band in the history of music. By turning all our songs into white noise, we democratize music. You too, can put your fruity loops drum beats through Death By Art School's patented chain of 6 L2 limiters and make pop music gold.

Death By Art School Is A Comic Book Autobiography

It is a a brutally honest memoir of life during the early 90's, fighting the gentrification of Queen Street West, living with Sook-Yin-Lee, and anxieties about the masculine identity.

Death By Art School Doesn't Actually Have Ideas

At best We are a collection of PHP scripts designed to collect insight from the coolest blogs on the internet, at worst we are just a team of confused twenty year olds thinking of things that exist, and then summarizing those things in small paragraphs

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© 2008

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